Everything Sucks Now (or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb)
November 2025
I remember my childhood very well. I remember coming home from school each day, 4:20pm on the dot, going to the corner store with my older sister and spending the dollar allowance my mom gave me on chips, soda, and a few pieces of candy, and running home to our apartment to catch the very end of Hamtaro. There was an abundance of free time that I didn’t know what to do with and yet I still craved more. New episode of Code Lyoko starts at 5:30pm on Thursdays, so I have to be ready for that. New episode of Pokemon drops at 11am on Saturday but I need to wake up early to catch Spider Riders and maybe even What’s New Scooby Doo?. Oh but that new game I keep seeing in the commercials, I have to write that down for Santa to get me for Christmas, even though it’s months away. There were so many moments of my life that were penciled into my schedule. Everything was a memorable event. The anticipation of waiting for the next thing is what carried me through my entire childhood. Yet here I am, almost 30 years old, struggling to find the same sense of gratification and I don’t think it’s entirely my fault.
Over the past few years, I’ve fallen prey to using my phone for hits of instant gratification. What used to be rolling the slots on Facebook and checking Twitter has now evolved into rolling the slots on TikTok and checking Discord and Bluesky. I truly hate it. You scroll and scroll through tons of slop, ads, and discourse until you hit big with something funny or interesting. You share that with your friends who won’t watch it, and then bring it up in conversation later about how you couldn’t stop laughing at the “funniest thing” you’ve ever seen. Rinse. Repeat. Ugh, I’m getting sick just thinking about it.
The common diagnosis of this is what people call “terminally online”. It’s when people become dependent on constant dopamine hits the box in their hand gives. The idea of touching the green stuff you find outside is sickening. You have an acute knowledge of December 21st, 2020 and “A Bigger Navy”. You feel a sense of rage matched only by John Wick because someone argued with you about the “real reason” the price of video games is $60. (It’s now $70 so take that. I win.)
How do people fall into the trap of becoming terminally online? Well for me, I felt alone. Even as a kid on GaiaOnline, I found it difficult to talk to people about my interests. When you’re so passionate about media in a way most people haven’t experienced before, it’s so easy to be discouraged when you see them check out of the conversation. I thought that without that commonality, it was impossible to talk to anyone. Who the fuck cares about the weather when the new Pokemon game just released! Turns out, most people do.
It’s so easy to turn to an online space of people from all over the world who are all interested in similar, if not the same, things. It’s so easy to talk to people when the thoughts and opinions are pretty homogenized. It’s so easy to feel better by hitting the button on the side of my phone, tapping the music note, and scroll for hours until I find the “one” video I’m looking for, then hit the share button and send it to a friend. Look! A conversation! They laugh reacted to what I sent. See, I’m so social. No one else understands. They understand. They really get me. But why do I still feel empty? Why do I have Just a Girl by No Doubt stuck in my head? Why am I repeating “Another one, Thank you”?
I’m tired of everything competing for my attention. I’m tired of coming home from work to immediately get angry because of some random post on Twitter. I’m tired of my online spaces being cool until they’re not. It’s not necessary. To be honest with you, I don’t have an answer for any of this.
I’ve taken a lot of time away from it all. I’ve set time limits on the apps on my phone and turned off damn near all notifications. I’ve set scheduled hangouts with my friends in real life, my friends I’ve met online, and my fiance. I recently purchased a retro handheld device that has a second screen where currently, I’m playing Megaman Battle Network 2 on the top screen and following a guide on the bottom. I purchased a DAP (Digital Audio Player) and started purchasing and listening to albums that my friends recommended me. I signed up for the DSA (Democratic Socialists of America) and have been pushing myself to jump in, most recently joining the Mutual Aid working group and feeding people in my city. Everything and anything to allow me to feel that same sense of gratification I felt when I was younger. I look forward to my Monday hangouts. I look forward to doing crosswords and puzzles on Thursdays with my friends. Every Friday, my fiance and I do something for just the 2 of us. 2025 may have been a shitty year for the world, but it was the most formative for me. I’m still learning but I’m starting to feel better about, well, all of this.
If you’re reading this and see yourself in what I wrote, take a step back. What does your day-to-day look like? Your weeks? Your month? What are you looking forward to? When was the last time you allowed yourself to feel uncomfortable by being in public and meeting new people? I’ll reiterate that I don’t have an answer or an “end all be all” solution. But maybe for you, that’s just reaching out to your friends and family more often. Try a new hobby. Go for a walk! The world is pretty cool and, contrary to popular belief, most people aren’t out to get you.
There’s a quote from a movie I think about a lot.
“Life's too short to be pissed off all the time. It's just not worth it.”
Guess he was right.
