My Existential Dread is Acting Up Today
August 29 2026
I don’t know what it is, but I’ve always had this feeling of needing to create something. It’s always felt necessary to me. Not creating leaves me with this pit in my soul that’s so difficult to fill with anything else but it.
In 2013, I was freshly off of writing articles and semi-viral Facebook posts for a site called the Pokemon Dungeon (RIP). We spent long days in call going through all of Pokemon X & Y, marking down every trainer, every encounter, every item, everything. We were nowhere near as quick as Joe Merrick on Serebii or the folks over at Bulbapedia, but we tried! After awhile, the webmaster was worried the site wasn’t getting enough traffic. I pitched writing about my passion, competitive Pokemon. I watched tons of YouTubers like Haydunn and Shofu battle, I figured I could do it too. I wrote a guide to breeding Pokemon for perfect IVs. It went viral. Thousands of comments, tens of thousands of views in the first couple of days. The webmaster asked me to build on that momentum and gave me access to their Facebook page. I did giveaways of perfectly bred Pokemon, ran polls, and posted memes. We gained thousands of followers. At 16, I was proud of how much people loved what I did. So many eyeballs, so many comments, so many people. I never wanted it to stop. But of course, as with most viral moments, things died down. My posts weren’t getting many views, the motivation for the team to keep writing dwindled, and I was left with just a few other writers to build the site back up.
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Still on Cruise Control
August 25 2026
I feel like time is just flying by. Next week will be September and I'm not sure I'm ready for all of that.
I got a $50 Amazon gift card from one of my banks. I was going to save it for something responsible. But after the deep depression I fell into a few weeks ago? I said "Fuck it" and got a fun toy!
An Eh Week and an Empty Cup
August 15 2026
Hiiiii! Another week has flown by. Not a great one, but at least its done.
I've been feeling a bit isolated for a few years now. To alleviate that feeling of loneliness, I've been stumbling around in online communities, reaching out to old friends I haven't spoken to or seen in awhile, and trying new hobbies (a la this site). Its times like these specifically where everything just feels bad. My tolerance gets lower, my patience gets even lower, and I have a near impossible time holding in my rage. I spoke with my therapist about it and she said my cup was empty. Huh?
Leaning into Curiosity is Cool!
August 6 2026
Hiiiii! I'm really excited to start blogging again. But less stress this time. A lot less stress
A few months ago, I was tapped in not 1 but 2 discord servers I'm in to play the critically acclaimed MMORPG, Final Fantasy XIV. I have a really terrible history with that game. So many bad memories of people I do not fuck with anymore. FFXIV was a game that I urged all of my friends to play so we could have an online space to hang out in. Another thing to do together and appreciate each other's company. But it turned into a weapon of abuse and manipulation. I swore that I wouldn't touch this game again. But here I am, 6 years later, back in Eorzea.
